


Happier

by RebelMinxy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Inspired by Music, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 12:56:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18223433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelMinxy/pseuds/RebelMinxy





	Happier

Dean dropped down to sit on the edge of the dock, a 40 in hand that was already half empty. He looked out on the lake, the lights of the Impala shining brightly over the clear, calm waters. Dean did his best to hold back the tears that wanted to break free, telling himself that he shouldn’t be feeling the way he felt, but after what he saw, he couldn’t help it.   
He saw her.  
It had been a while since he last saw her, thought maybe he would be over her. But seeing her, it brought up everything he buried deep down. The hurt from the last time he saw her came crawling back, feeling as fresh as it did that day. Because he rushed out of the restaurant, he turned the radio on and left it playing on whatever station was playing music, needing the distraction while he drove. The VJ then started their normal jibber jabber to then introduce the next song, Happier by Marshmello. Dean sat back as he listened to the lyrics.  
\------------  
When the morning comes  
When we see what we've become  
In the cold light of day, we're a flame in the wind  
Not the fire that we've begun  
Every argument, every word we can't take back  
'Cause with the all that has happened  
I think that we both know the way that the story ends  
\------------  
Dean thought back on the night they had their first fight. He was going off on a hunt but didn’t want to tell her. He was afraid of dragging her into the life, to put her life in danger. He remembered the screaming match they shared, her begging for him to at least tell her why he had to leave so suddenly all the time.  
“You always go off for days on end and come back without a word! I don’t care if it’s a job thing, but could you at least call me to let me know you are ok? I get worried when I don’t hear from you after so long?”  
“Look, it's my life, my business. Don’t make a big deal about it.”   
“But aren’t I a part of your life? Or is this, what we have, just a joke to you? Am I the girl you just fuck around with when you are in town?”  
Dean looked back at her when he reached the door, noticing the tears falling down her face.  
“Don’t worry, I won’t be coming back.”  
Dean knew he was an ass, not even giving her some kind of comfort. He knew he could have lied back then, but he was young, and when his dad called with a case, he obediently went. During his time on that case, he picked up a different girl every night, wanting to get her off his mind. But no one was able to replace her, be her. So, after the hunt, he drove back to her place and was relieved to find her there.  
“I’m so sorry baby,” he apologized as she watched him through the screen door.  
“Do you really care?” she asked, her eyes piercing his bright green ones.  
Dean hesitated, knowing that the words that wanted to come out were words he never said before. They were words he was afraid to say, but with her standing there, they felt right.  
“I love you, you are the only one for me, babe.”  
He saw the bright smile on her face from that night, the one that started their vicious cycle. Dean eventually put her up in a small single house, enjoying the days he had with her. Happy and in love, just like any regular couple. But then the secrecy and lies would roll back in, causing more fights and arguments. Before he would leave on a hunt, he would hurt her by saying he wouldn’t be back, thinking maybe it was the best thing to do. What he needed to do to keep her safe.  
\----------  
When the evening falls  
And I'm left there with my thoughts  
And the image of you being with someone else  
Well, that's eating me up inside  
But we run our course, we pretend that we're okay  
Now if we jump together at least we can swim  
Far away from the wreck, we made  
\-----------  
But no matter how many times he left, he would eventually go back. And she was there waiting for him. He ran to her when his father died, ran to her before his time came to go to Hell and went back when he was topside. Every time, the cycle would repeat. He would leave her, heartbroken and crying. Yet no matter how much he would put himself into hunting, picking up random girls and sleeping with them, nothing could change the way he felt for her. He would eventually find himself standing at her doorstep. Her bright eyes filled with love for him, waiting.  
Sam eventually found out about her and respected that Dean didn’t want her knowing about him or anything involving their life.   
“Promise me something Dean.”  
Dean looked at his baby brother, they had just finished talking about their plan to get Lucifer back into the cage.  
“Promise me you will find your happiness and peace, either with her or with Lisa. I know she would make you happier, but if you really don’t want her in this life, then go to Lisa and find your peace with her.”  
In the end, Dean chose Lisa, because she at least understood where he was really coming from. But in those 6 months of regular life, he couldn’t help his mind wandering to her. The memories he had of being so happy with her was nothing compared to the quiet life he had with Lisa. So, once he left Lisa and Ben, he went in straight to the little house he found for her. He was half hoping not to find her there, half hoping she was waiting for him. And to his surprise, there she was on the other side of the screen door.  
“I…I didn’t think you would still be here,” stuttered Dean.  
“You are worth waiting for Dean Winchester.”  
Dean felt his heart burst with joy at hearing those words fall from her bright smile.  
\----------  
Lately, I've been, I've been thinking  
I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier  
Even though I might not like this  
I think that you'll be happier, I want you to be happier  
\----------  
What drove Dean to really want to push her away was when he had the Mark of Cain. It was this that made his fear come true. Not only was she in danger because of his life, but he also became that danger.   
“Nice marking, what does it mean?”  
Dean caressed her head as they laid in bed after a long love-making session. He stayed quiet, not knowing how to respond to her question.  
“Did someone do this to you if you don’t know what it means?”  
“Its nothing important,” Dean huffed as he pulled his arm away, climbing out of bed as he did his best to keep his temper under control.  
“Dean it’s just a question,” she chuckled. “You don’t have to answer it, I'm already used to being in the dark about you.”  
“And what the hell is that suppose to mean?” Dean asked aggressively, taking her words more to heart than he should.  
“Nothing. Dean are you ok?”  
“I am fine.”  
“Are you sure? You seem a little…”  
“Stop asking questions I can’t answer!” Dean yelled out as he slammed his fists through the bedroom wall.  
Her soft gasp made him realize what was going on. He turned to see her sitting in bed, leaning against the wall. Her eyes were filled with fear, something Dean never saw in her beautiful eyes before.  
“I’m…I’m sorry bab…”  
“Get out.”  
Dean went quiet as he watched her, her hand extended towards the door.  
Dean took a swing of the beer he was finishing up, hurting at that last memory. That day had been so perfect, and he ruined it. But that day also made it clear to him how dangerous it really was, having her in his life. He had left her house knowing that if he did go back, it would be to end things finally. To make it clear he would not be in her life anymore.  
\----------  
Then only for a minute  
I want to change my mind  
'Cause this just don't feel right to me  
I want to raise your spirits  
I want to see you smile but  
Know that means I'll have to leave  
\----------  
Dean was still in the Impala, parked right outside her house. He knew she was home, had watched her walk in when she got in from work. He came with a mission, a goal to finally set her free. But when he saw her walking and into the house, he began to hesitate. He loved her, all these years of back and forth, he still loved her, and he knew she loved him. He looked back on their happy days, on the days he saw her beautiful smile. But that one minute of hesitation changed the moment the bad memories came. The screaming and the fighting, the lying and the potential danger he was to her.   
Dean climbed out of the car and made his way up the porch. Before he could knock, the door swung wide open and there she stood in his favorite plaid shirt and shorts. She was breathing heavily and her hair a mess, probably rushed to get changed.  
“I saw the car outside and knew it was you.”  
“Yeah, um, we need to talk.”   
“Don’t worry Dean, I forgive you. I know I tend to become a bit pushy and after everything, I should understand that I need to respect your privacy. It’s just…”  
“I won’t be coming back.”  
Her eyes grew wide at his words.  
“What? But…why?”  
“I am a danger to you…”  
“Dean that was a first time and only time thing. You didn’t even hurt me it was only a small scare.”  
“But I don’t want to risk it.”  
“Dean, please, don’t.”  
She tried to swing the screen door open, but Dean pushed against it, not letting her out.  
“Dean let me out.”  
“No, you will stand there and listen.”  
She kept pushing against the screen door but stayed quiet.  
“I…I love you, so much. I never want to lose you. But, look at us.”  
“We are happy Dean, and in love.”  
“Yeah and then what happens? Something happens that I have to go, and something triggers the fighting. I leave here with your crying and hurting. I say I won’t come back, yet I still do.”  
“It’s because we love each other…”  
“Is this really love? It seems more like a vicious obsession!”  
She stopped pushing against the door, her eyes watering.  
“I just don’t want to hold you back. You can do better than me, you can do so much better without me in your life.”  
“I don’t want anyone else, Dean! Don’t you see no matter what, I will be here waiting? I love you and only you!” she yelled out, tears flowing down.  
“I’m sorry but I can’t do this to you anymore.”  
Dean let go of the screen door and turned to walk away. But then he felt her arms surround him from behind, her warm body pressed against his. He looked up at the night sky, trying to hold back the urge to turn around and hug her back.  
“Please, Dean, don’t leave me. I love you,” she whispered through her tears. “I promise I won’t ask any more questions, just don’t leave me. I love you too much.”  
Dean placed his hands on hers, already missing her touch. But instead of going back like always, he pulled her hands apart, freeing himself from her grasp. Without looking back, he walked down the pathway and to his car.  
“DEAN! PLEASE! DON’T! PLEASE!”  
She ran after him, but he was faster. He climbed into the car and shut the door right when she reached the car. She banged in the window, trying to get his attention but Dean kept his focus forward. He turned the engine on and placed the car in drive. As he slowly pulled out from the spot he was parked in, she ran beside him, begging him not to leave. Once he was out the spot, he sped off. When he finally looked in the rearview mirror, he saw her silhouette standing in the middle of the street.  
After that night, Dean never looked back, never went in search for her. He and Sam once passed the town after a year and Dean fought his urge to go look for that little house. He didn’t want to know if she was still there. He hoped she eventually would leave, using the pain he caused her as a motive to get out of there. There were nights that he thought back on her, wondering how she was doing.  
Tonight though, it was all unexpected. He, Sam and Jack drove into that town he avoided most of the time. They made a quick gas and food stop before they headed back to the bunker. That’s when he saw her. Dean had just finished pumping gas into Baby when he heard her laugh. He thought he was probably crazy, imagining things, but when he looked up, he saw her.  
She was standing in the arms of some guy, clean and crisp. Nothing like Dean. She was laughing at something he said and leaned up to kiss the guy. The feelings that went through Dean were haywire. Everything he kept bottled up came pouring out. He watched as the guy caressed her face, placing kisses all along her face as he looked at her with love. He watched as she smiled at him, happy. Her eyes shining brightly just like they did when it was one of their good days.   
Dean climbed into the car quickly and drove off, the image of her happy face drilled into his mind. He made it to the bunker in record time and once Sam and Jack climbed out, he mumbled something about needing time alone. He drove off and found a place to buy some beer, wanting to numb the pain. And now, here he was, three bottles down and sitting at the edge of a lake remembering everything he tried to ignore.  
\----------  
Know that means I'll have to leave  
Lately, I've been, I've been thinking  
I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier  
\----------  
She was smiling, not with him but she was smiling and happy. Dean looked up to the night sky, the stars shining brightly just like they did that very last night he saw her. The thought of her being happy with someone else broke his heart, but also brought him peace. Being with her, those were the best moments of his life. With her, he was able to love and be loved. But being with her, he knew it was dangerous and problematic. He had to lie and keep secrets from her. But to see her smile in the arms of someone that was safe, it was clear to him he made the right choice of leaving her. With that thought, the tears he was holding back finally fell silent.   
\----------  
So I'll go, I'll go  
I will go, go, go  
\----------


End file.
